I'm not a student anymore so I don't get to write that "What I did this summer break" essay to read aloud or hand in to my new teacher. I think its time for a new essay for me. "What I have learned this summer" edition.
I learned to dress more for comfort and my own style and to finally not give a crap about what others were thinking. I wore shorts. I wore NON maxi length dresses and plan on wearing another tomorrow. I stopped worrying about my arms and put on tank tops.
I learned to not compare myself to any other woman. Especially other moms. That is for the birds. I'm over it. Damn, that feels good to get out there. I really was wasting too many minutes and thoughts on others that didn't hold a valuable or meaningful place in my life, or heart.
I said goodbye to a few friends. Some that I have known since the early 1990s. It was necessary. Listen to your gut, people. Listen to it when it tells you that the reason you don't answer calls or reply to these people is you KNOW it is bad for you. You know it's toxic yet still return for more? Not I. Not anymore. I am happier. I'm less busy, true. But, overall I am happier. I may even be jaded and scared of close friendships after having a few turn out so, so very wrong. I may even attract these such people, it's been said. :)
I have let the sunshine back into my life so to speak. Every morning the very first thing I do is open the curtains, blinds, doors, what have you and make the bed and everything else seems a little better after that. *coffee helps
I am trying to teach myself how to break some very bad habits I seem to have a hard time with in my home. With FOUR full floors and six people and ALL OF THE THINGS that come with them (3 of these people need 'diapers' of some sort) *sorry and sometimes that will bring the dark cloud back to me. Like a cartoon, or a anti-depressant commercial with the solitary could over the people. Yea, that can happen easily if the whining kicks in, two or 3 of them are crying at once. I have to remember to breathe and let the sunshine in.
Oh, and singing and dancing with the kids is VERY therapeutic. And, I like to bead with Kaya.
Until next time.
Beth
